I don’t have much experience with haters. I hear a lot of women talking about their “haters”. I’ve read the quotes that state that “If you don’t have haters then you’re not doing something right” and all I can think to myself is “I think I’m doing something right, but I don’t know of anyone hating on me.”

See, I love women, girls, ladies! I’m a huge proponent of Girl Power! Boys still have cooties to me and I don’t befriend them unless they workout because honestly, what would we talk about!?!? I.LOVE.GIRLS.

So that’s what I surround myself with. Positive women who lift one another up and cheer each other on. My closest friends? All dimes (if I do say so myself) really smart, really beautiful, really successful women. And when we get together we don’t gossip about others. We just sit around discussing each other’s awesomeness! One big estrogen filled love-fest!!!

Well today, today I’m pretty sure I encountered a hater.

I was leaving work to go and teach Fierce Funk Fitness (if you don’t know, you better ask somebody). I had changed prior to leaving to avoid having to lug my gym clothes up the multiple stairs at the Old Berkeley Cultural Center. I got into the elevator with two women and one of them turns to me and says:

“So you run, you bodybuild, when do you have time to be a mother?”

Let’s stop right here.

Anyone that knows me and knows me well is cringing right now. My husband often refers to me as a pitbull. Drake’s song “0-100” LITERALLY was written about me. Or the former me I like to say. I am either the happiest person or… I’m not. So when this woman said this to me and implied that I could be lacking in the area of motherhood it took ALL of my willpower to tell that inner pitbull to “sit”.

My reply? “She’s my first priority”

Ignorant woman: “Well most mothers don’t look like you”

Me: “Well I rise at 4am” * Walks out of elevator*

Ignorant woman: “Oh Jesus, I couldn’t do that!’
*BIG SIGH*

Here’s the thing. My little girl will turn 3 at the end of June so in no way am I an expert. But something that all mothers do very naturally and from day one is put themselves LAST on their “To Do” list. Everyone and everything comes before us. And not only do we do it naturally but society reinforces it, promotes it! If you’re not a tired, overweight, disheveled mess then OBVIOUSLY you’re neglecting your child! And don’t be sexy and self-confident! Because moms are not sexual beings and our children were brought to us by the stork!! The more of a hot mess your appearance is, the more positive the perception of you as a mother.

I could list out my daily schedule and how it often includes ridiculously early mornings AND late nights. I could talk about my packed weekends with my little one while my hubby works during most of them. But it’s all beside the point. I learnt very early on in my Mommy journey that if I was going to be a great Mom and Wife then I was going to have to carve out “me” time SOMEWHERE. When I’m pounding the pavement at 4:30/5:00 am, I have no one and nothing to focus on but myself. When my hubby and baby wake up at 7, I’m dressed and their bags are packed and I’m ready to give myself fully to them, my career and any other obligations.

I truly believe that this is why F3 is so popular. For one hour during the week, a bunch of Women, Mothers and Wives focus on just themselves. We party together, laugh together, reconnect with our inner sexy and let loose!!! It’s therapy!!!

So come on Wives, Girlfriends and Mothers! Please don’t forget that your happiness and health is just as important as all of those people that depend on you! And I promise you, taking that little bit of time for you will make a world of a difference in how you navigate all of the other responsibilities you hold!

 

  • Reply

    Malika

    02 06 2016

    This is so true – I admit that I am famous for putting everyone and everything before ME. However, I have had a revelation that everyone else around me is happy if I’m happy. My soon to be threenager and my husband will be better for it. Thanks for this reminder Jasmine.

  • Reply

    Danielle

    02 06 2016

    I totally feel you on this! Bella is 5 months old and I’m working HARD to get back into shape, not only for my physical appearance but for my mental health too. People will be nice and comment on how great I look for just having a baby but that’s followed with a question about when do I have time for Bella! I don’t get it… Why do I have to look a hot mess to avoid this question and not have inference that I’m neglecting her in any way?! Sometimes I think misery loves company and if that person wasn’t able to pull it together and make sacrifices (like wake up at 4am) in order to do it all, then they don’t want to see others do it all. I want Bella to see a mom that’s fit physically and emotionally and energized to give her the attention she needs.. So don’t mind the haters… Secretly they probably truly admire u.. I know I do!!

  • Reply

    Nijah Dyer

    02 06 2016

    Hallelujah!! Getting there….

  • Reply

    Carol

    02 06 2016

    Love the article Jasmine! This is all so true. I caught the train a little too late and what you have shared is something that every mommie needs to hear as part of their birthing classes 🙂 (hint! hint!)

    Continue to share and be fabulous inside and out!

  • Reply

    Gayneté Edwards

    02 06 2016

    Absolutely love this message.

  • Reply

    Crystal

    03 06 2016

    This was so empowering Jazz! That lady should keep her feelings/opinions on how you live to herself and take a seat. You’re such a star and as I say often you’re my inspiration! You give me strength daily! Xx

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